Shark Week

Discovery Channel Shark Week was two weeks ago, but I just finished watching it on the internet. Sharks are officially the most badass animal to kill anything for any reason ever. My evidence is as follows:

Sharks have like 7 or 8 senses. In addition to the pissant human senses we douchebags have, sharks have organs in their snouts that sense both the electromagnetic field of the earth and the electric pulses that are generated by all living things. So, holy shit, they are like superheroes or something. Also, they can sense temperature like 1000x better than we can. They have another sensory organ down their backs that combines hearing and touch, too, like a hand-ear. So already they are infinitely better than any other animal at killing shit. They are like the Batman of the deep.

As if that weren't enough, shark's skin isn't flat or scaled, but has thousands of thousands of rows of serrated sharp things that are like the skin version of their own teeth, which they also, of course, have rows and rows of. They are covered in fucking teeth. If you rub against the grain, their skin will shred your hand.

If that weren't enough, their mouths harbor bacteria that is resistant to penicillin. So they can kill you with infection if not the attack itself. They are, like, poisonous.


Holy shit, right? It is proof that sharks don't want to kill us that we are not all dead already.