Sponny Commie Christmas Spectacular!

"The Christmas Song" Weezer
"Joy To The World (Rap Version)" Unknown
"The Chanukah Song" Adam Sandler
"I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" Bif Naked
"Up On The Housetop/Deck The Halls" The December People
"Baby It's Cold Outside" Dean Martin
"Christmas Piglet" The Presidents of the United States of America
"Carol of the Bells" The December People
"Merry Christmas Baby" Phoebe Snow
"Good King Somethingorother" Bush
"Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas" Frank Sinatra
"White Christmas" Goldfinger
"Christmas Day" Sponge
"Mele Kalikimaka" Reel Big Fish
"Happy Xmas (War Is Over)" Cranes
"All I Want For Christmas Is You" Mariah Carey
"Snow" Red Hot Chili Peppers

Yes, today was the last edition of Spontaneous Combustion until 2008. Why, God, why must we have Christmas break? Ah, well, I'll probably get some presents out of it.

A Pressing Problem

I have to write a paper and give a speech on a problem I think is important on the international level, and how to fix it. Mostly, I just want to call mine "Why Russia Sucks" and blame it all on the former USSR. But if I am going to vilify an entire country, I really need to back it up with facts. That takes time, and I have other important things to do. Like sleep after driving from Kingman to Garberville yesterday.

Said drive really made me realize that 90% of California sucks. Everyone knows that LA is full of rich people and SF is full of gays, but they never really think about the crappy places in between. Seriously, the drive was like a connect-the-dots of places that suck. Observe (and click for a larger view!):



Now, to write a paper about why the world is fucked. Oh, goody.

Viva Dr. Thiele!

So, I'm in Mexico. They let me drink here, so it's OK that it smells funny. A lot of people here either try to make me give them money or have sex with them. Sometimes, oddly, both. I have some good stories, though. Like this one time, I was really drunk on Tequila. Then this other time... I was really drunk. On rum. So it's been fun, as far as I can remember.

Fuck the RIAA

I'm doing my persuasive speech on music piracy, but I'm not allowed to advocate it, so the speech has become more about why you should a) not break the law and b) not support the recording industry.

Why should people boycott the recording industry? Pfft. They control 90% of all recorded music in the US and they take over half the profit. If that isn't a monopoly, then I am Uncle Moneybags.

Anyway, the point is, if you want to avoid the $150,000-per-song lawsuits that the RIAA keeps filing against innocent pirates and yet can't bring yourself to support the Evil Empire, there is hope! Illegal file sharing is not the only answer! You can trade CDs with friends (which is still illegal as far as the RIAA is concerned, but way harder to prosecute unless your friends narc you out). You can also buy music on fairtunes, where all the money goes to the artists and none to the industry. You could buy your CDs used at your local music outlet or check out second spin. Or, most importantly, you could listen to KRFH for completely RIAA free music all day, every day. Except this week. And winter break. And spring break. And all summer. But still! That's a whole lotta music!

Dr. Thiele vs. Old Conservatives, apparently

I am still in Arizona. You may be wondering what horrible things have happened to me so far. Well, even if you're not, prepare to find out.

1. Some guy at a Chevron in Bakersfield yelled at me for swearing. I wasn't swearing at him, for fuck's sake. I didn't even think he could hear me. Stupid bible belt of California.
2. My brother and I almost got in a fist fight with an old crippled guy outside of a Trader Joe's in Scottsdale. How obscenely banal. It happened because my dad parked sideways across three handicaped parking spaces, but still. That old hippie had it coming to him. We didn't actually fight him, but he said that my dad drives like shit, so my brother said "With all due respect sir..." and flipped him off. It all went downhill from there. In the end, I told him to suck my cock. That seemed to throw him.
3. That is all.

I have learned on this trip that the way to keep life interesting in Arizona is to piss off the old. Also, I saw an exhibit of relics from the Titanic. That killed a few hours, but was depressing because it really illustrates the way poor people are more likely to die of hypothermia in the North Atlantic. It must be genetic or something.

It is flat, dry, and Republican here, and I'm not heading to Mexico until Saturday. Prepare to envy me, internet!

Dr. Thiele vs. Doll Monster!

I just battled this thing in an epic fashion.

In other news, I am leaving tomorrow to go to my least favorite state in America. Not Texas. Arizona. I hate Arizona the most for a lot of reasons. I mean, just look at it! Clinging to California's ass like a hideous Republican ass parasite. Actually, not unlike Ann Coulter. Anywhoo, it also sucks there for other reasons. Phoenix is a lot like LA, only with no movie stars, no ocean, and a lot more old people. In other words, all of the bad parts of LA, plus psycho rednecks and Alzheimer's patients and none of the pro's. Actually, the only way Phoenix is better than LA is that there is no chance I will run into those obnoxious bitches from The Hills.

Mmm... exploding pie

Look, everybody! I made a pie chart detailing how I spent the last two days writing my paper!

You know what's not on there? Time spent making pie chart.

Back to the paper. Hi-ho Silver, away!

dude. i should probably tell all the Dr. Thiele admirers to back the fuck off bitches, she's MINE! buahaha!

Set lists!

From Spontaneous Combustion (Part Une), Sunday, November 11th.

“Space Oddity” David Bowie
“Hard Day’s Night” The Beatles
“Magic Bus” The Who
“Where It’s At” Beck
“Someone I Care About” Modern Lovers
“Diamonds” The A-sides (request)
“There Is A Light” Morrissey (request)
“Bohemian Rhapsody” Queen
“Under Pressure” Queen
“High” The Cure
“Paper Thin Walls” Modest Mouse
“Everlong” Foo Fighters
“Anarchy in the U.K.” Sex Pistols
“Clamp Down” The Clash
“I Can’t Hardly Stand It” The Cramps
“Dazed and Confused” Led Zeppelin
“Smile Like You Mean It” The Killers (request)
”The Joker” The Steve Miller Band
“Buddy Holly” Weezer
“Castles Made of Sand” Jimi Hendrix (request)
“Debaser” Pixies
“Pearl” Love & Rockets
“Pretty Pink Ribbon” Cake
“Renegade Princess” Sonic Youth
“Pepper” Butthole Surfers
“Light My Fire” The Doors
“Peace Frog” The Doors
“Lobster Bucket!” The Aquabats
"Ziggy Stardust" David Bowie (request)
“By the Way” Red Hot Chili Peppers
“Bad Reputation” Joan Jett
“Look Sharp” Joe Jackson
“Uhn Tiss Uhn Tiss” Blood Hound Gang
“I Touch Myself” The Divinyls
“Say It Ain’t So” Weezer
“This House is a Circus” Arctic Monkeys
“Build Me Up Buttercup” The Foundations

From Spontaneous Combustion (Part Deux!) Today:
"In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida" Iron Butterfly
"You Don't Know How It Feels" Tom Petty
"Immigrant Song" Led Zeppelin
"How Can You Be Sure" Radiohead
"Mexico" Cake
"Sexx Laws" Beck
"No Brakes" The Bravery
"Anyone Else But You" The Moldy Peaches
"Human Behaviour" Bjork
"Today" Smashing Pumpkins (request)
"Tonight, Tonight" The Smashing Pumpkins (request)
"Boys Don't Cry" The Cure
"Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da" The Beatles

Oh no.

I have been set loose upon the unsuspecting internet, along with every other asshole who likes the sound of their own voice.

And I am not a real doctor.

But it's OK. Because I'll still operate on you if you want.